It pains me immensely to say this, but it has to be said – Vishwaroopam was an utterly idiotic film. Completely. I have never been more disappointed in my life. Not even when I found a pigeon lying on the side of the road , its eyes fluttering, and brought it home wrapped up in my dupatta, only to have it die on me as I fed it some water. No, not even then.
What were you thinking, Kamalu? I can’t believe you made such a senseless movie! It was made a comic out of, for heavens sake! YOU COULD HAVE DONE SO MUCH BETTER! The movie didn’t need a lot , just a little tweak of some semblance to logic, some sensibility and some nail polish remover. (HINT: Nail polish remover removes chewing gum. HINT to the HINT: Chewing gum is a metaphor for something that is stretched to beyond its rational limit.)
Don’t tell me you didn’t do anything to your face. You did not used to have such a conspicuous chin. Now it looks like that of Disney’s Hercules. Bad Kamalu, bad! You did not need that. You don’t need to enhance your looks, Kamalu. We love you for your histrionics, not for your anatomy. If we did, then we would have wanted you to be a 6 footer who looked like the child of Akshay Kumar and Hugh Jackman (I picked those two actors completely at random, totally objectively.), with a voice like Suresh Venkat (That Radio City RJ who used to announce on the radio in the early 2000s)(Another unbiased choice.) Honestly Kamalu, you are not tall, nor do you have a deep bass voice and you are still adored and worshipped. Doesn’t that tell you that you needn’t bother with all these modifications? You look fantastic for your age, you do! (Unlike your contemporary and friend, Rajnikanth. Now, he needs all that because he looks old! YOU, on the other hand, GOT TALENT, BABY!)
Clever , Wisam sounds like Vishwam. Clever , how you portray that the child Nazra as more of an adult than that suicide bomber chap in that swing scene . See? I do appreciate you! And that Kathak song was just so sublime! So good, so goooooood! But you didn’t need to stretch that effeminate character for such a long time and neither did you need so many flashback scenes. Don’t you know when to stop with a good thing, Kamalu? And why exactly did you need Zarina Wahab, Nassar and Shekhar Kapur in those itty-bitty roles? You could have picked anyone off of the road at the last minute, for those roles! You wasted their talents, you did! Along with wasting money on cheap visuals – it was so obvious that the stunt scenes just had your face pasted on some gangly stunt man. Come on! Any 8 year old with MS Paint could have done that!
My main complaint though, is that the movie’s story is not put together well. Take the Bourne trilogy as an example. Do you see how each movie stands independently and still makes sense from beginning to end and despite it all, maintains a connection through all the 3 movies? You left so many puzzles unsolved in your movie that it just doesn’t make sense by itself. (Hey! If you want to make Hollywood-like movies, you had better be ready for some comparison to Hollywood movies.)
So I would like to make a prediction here – that the actress Andrea’s character turns out to be Rahul Bose’s character’s daughter – the very same Nazra. Ask me why, go on! I’ll tell you. The reason is that Kamalu had no problem showing us all those gory death scenes but didn’t show us the dead bodies of Rahul Bose’s character’s wife and child, even after he claims in the movie that they died. Why? Because they didn’t die! They escaped to Amreeka! Also, please note how Nazra is always addressed and mentioned by name only and not as a “he”. Hence, proved! Nazra is a girl and escapes with her mother to Amreeka and grows up to be Kamalu’s assistant/student.
Kamalu, I am only writing this out of love. I know you are capable of so much more. This movie is a cheap trick that you don’t need. Who could have been such a convincing ‘maami’ in Chachi 420? Who could have sung that first note of the line ‘Thappaana AaLu Ethilum VeLLum Yeda KooDam’ in the song, ‘DhaaguDu Datthaam’ so exquisitely? Who could have danced so splendidly in ‘Saagara Sangamam’? Only you, Kamalu. You are an excellent comedian, a refined actor, a magnificient singer, a graceful dancer and a lustrous lyricist. But, you don’t know how to use your own talents. So, if, by some stroke of luck, you do happen to read this, please seriously sit down and read this, OK?
All my love,